Whoever controls our time controls our life. Since we spend a good amount of time with the people we consider to be friends, it makes sense that we should be deliberate in the process of choosing them.
I’ve found that the more mature we get, the greater the clarity we have in the qualities we would want our friends to possess. We also readily gravitate towards people who have those desired qualities – regardless of any geographic distances between us.
When it comes to friendships, quality definitely trumps quantity. In my opinion, we are better off having few high quality friends who add value to our lives than having several “non-value adders” crowding the corners of our consciousness.
Here are 3 suggestions on the things to look out for in choosing the right friends:
1. Alignment of values: In the Bible, it says, “He that walks with the wise shall be wise…” It’s difficult to do life with people whose values are vastly different from yours without their views influencing you in some way – good or bad. So, be intentional about choosing friends who share your values.
2. Attitude towards growth: Valuable friendships require you to, in turn, become a “value-adder” or have a strong desire to become one. Even though walking with the wise potentially could make you wise, if they realize that you have no desire to grow and evolve into a person of wisdom, they will quickly ostracize you from their circle. So, make sure you share the same attitude towards growth.
In essence, since we attract who we are, we must deliberately cultivate the characteristics we would like to attract.
3. Alignment of vision: Friendship could be likened to people carpooling on a road trip – i.e. headed in the same general direction. We would be wise to make sure we select friends who are headed in a similar life direction as we are. So, find out what they expect out of life. If you’re the ambitious type, then check if they have a sense of “mission”. If they don’t have any of these attributes, you don’t have to push them away. Never push people away. Just accept that they might not be the right fit to be in your inner circle. Simply put…run for dear life!
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Ugo is an energetic and dynamic personality. He is the founder of NEU Gen Leaders – a youth leadership organization with the goal of helping the youth discover their life’s identity and mission. He is the author of the book, Secrets of Academic Excellence. You can reach Ugo at [email protected].