Ever met someone for the first time and walked away thinking, “I don’t know why, but I like that guy”? Intelligent people pride themselves in their ability to think and make decisions logically. However, the truth remains that we make a majority of our decisions emotionally – especially when it comes to the people we like and dislike.
Since the “feeling” of liking someone is quite exclusively emotional, we can possibly use universal emotional triggers to “influence” people to readily like us. Dale Carnegie, in his renowned book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, lists a few of these triggers. Here are 3 that we can start using right away:
1. Smile:
The general tempo of any interaction with people is set within the first 3 to 4 seconds. Our smile triggers the mirror neurons in the recipient’s brain and causes them to feel relaxed and return the smile. Even if they don’t return your smile, you’d still trigger a “happy feeling” within them. Smiling makes you appear more confident and composed than you might be in reality. For the days when you’re not feeling so “dandy”, remember that, in most cases, a fake smile serves the same purpose as a real one.
2. Ask questions that make others talk about themselves and their interests:
Humans are quite narcissistic. If you can identify a subject that the other party has an interest in and center your conversation around it, they’ll talk for long stretches and not realize it. Allowing them to “dazzle” you with unsolicited details of the subject will cause them to have a high regard for you – even though you might have said very little in the span of the entire conversation.
3. Listen and ask follow-up questions:
This is perhaps how we all gauge interest in dialogue. If you seem interested in the conversation and ask good follow up questions that prompt the individual to talk more, they believe you’re genuinely interested in them. People tend to associate attention to the subject they’re talking about with an interest in them as individuals. Funny how it works, but it does. So, talk less, listen more, and ask good follow up questions.
You don’t have to be extroverted to be likeable. By practicing these 3 tips, you’ll condition others – even strangers – to find you more likeable than you ever thought possible.
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Ugo is an energetic and dynamic personality. He is the founder of NEU Gen Leaders – a youth leadership organization with the goal of transforming the youth into excellence-driven leaders by helping them discover their life’s identity and mission. He is the author of the book, Secrets of Academic Excellence. He can be reached at [email protected].