John Maxwell defines leadership simply as “influence”. In his infamous work, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey presents several habits that highly effective people tend to master. He describes Habit 5 thus: “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.”
Especially in dealing with people who are different from us, our ability to leave our original point of view to consider the other party’s perspective helps us influence them. Everyone has an innate need to be understood. When we grant this unspoken request, the other party tends to grant us the same courtesy.
To influence others, we must listen to them with the intent of understanding their undiluted intent.
Psychologists call this, “empathy”. You don’t have to agree with their perspective to truly understand it. Once the person other party feels heard, they relax from trying to make their point and start truly listening to you in return.
Confrontations arise when people approach their interactions with others as though their perspective is the only valid one. I’ve been rather guilty of this…more often than I’d be proud to admit. But hey! Ain’t we all a “work in progress”?
Highly effective people don’t allow themselves to dwell in this “perspective-sclerosis”, however. They constantly remind themselves that they can get a lot more accomplished by building bridges and creating allies; instead of enemies. And doing this is as simple as genuinely trying to understand the perspective of the individual you’re dealing with, before trying to get them to understand yours.
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Ugo is an energetic and dynamic youth leader, and also the president of the nonprofit, NEU Gen Leaders. He is the author of 2 books – Secrets of Academic Excellence and The NEU Era. He can be reached at [email protected].